When I was about 8 years old, a new family moved to our congregation. I knew that the girl, who was a year younger than me, had been sick and even been in the hospital. What I didn't know was that she would be one of my closest friends for the next almost-ten years. What I didn’t know was that she would eventually die- as a result of the heart problems she'd faced all her life- just a few weeks short of her 17th birthday.
While her death wasn't a surprise, (and in some ways was a relief that
her suffering was over) it still left a terrible hole in my life. My initial
reaction was numbness, which lasted until her memorial service, and I actually
saw with my own eyes that she had died. I remember very little of that time but
I do remember shortly after her funeral asking Jesus to be my new Best Friend.
He was, too. I told Him everything and He gave me strength to move on. I
spent a few days with her mother. We needed each other, and though being
together was painful, we've developed a friendship through that time. I also
connected with a lady who'd also lost a loved one, in her case a young
daughter. We emailed and texted back and forth, keeping each other going on bad
days, reminding each other we'd see them in heaven. Without a hope of heaven,
anticipating seeing her, talking with her again, I don't know how I would have
survived that time.
Her death did change me; I'm not the same person I was before. I hold my
friends closer, I tell them I love them. I cry when heaven songs are sung. I
seize the moment, knowing we aren't promised long life. I know how important it
is to have an assurance of salvation. I no longer fear death, to me it will be
like going to see my friends… I think we'll pick up talking right where we left
off the last time we saw each other and we'll have so much to say!
One of my most painful moments was realizing that the jokes we'd had,
the stories we'd shared, were now only half a joke or part of a story. No
longer could I say half a sentence and she'd know what I wasn't saying. No
longer was there someone who knew so much about me and about whom I knew so
much. With time I've made other friends just as close, but they didn't know me
in pigtails, through school, the first years of youth. I lost part of my
history when I lost her.
My encouragements to anyone who faces
death are these: talk about them, it's healing. Find others who've been there
or are there. Tell God how you feel, even if it's in anger. He'd rather have us
angry than bitter and silent. Don't stay angry at Him though... Realize that it
takes time to move on and you will never "get over it”. Let yourself cry
when you're lonely, when you see a beautiful sunset, or hear a song about
heaven. You will survive. You will be okay. Don't feel guilty when you can be
happy again or go for an hour or a day without thinking of them. Let yourself
smile, laugh, and make new friends. Look forward to your reunion in heaven,
where you'll never say goodbye again.
