Have you heard them lately? There have been a lot of them in my life the last week: memories of Andrea... Echoes of conversations we had, jokes we shared, sometimes, when I'm really listening, I think I can hear her laugh echoing down from heaven.
How can it be nearly a year? What amazes me is that I'm still alive myself. Before she died, thinking of losing her was surreal. I wondered, "Would I survive that? Would I ever be happy again?" The answer is yes, in proportion to the pain, God gives grace. In proportion to the grief, He sends joy. And when the initial shock and denial wear off, the resting in the fact that she's in a better place is gone, when the fact that I'll never see her here again hits home, that's when joy comes back too. You see, losing someone is like a really strong anaesthetic. You don't feel any pain, it's true, and it's absolutely necessary to get you through the first while. But it's not until that begins to wear off that you feel like truly laughing, smiling, singing again.
Now, though, as it's almost a year there are so many memories flooding my mind. "a year ago" Do you realise that it's only 18 days until it'll be a year since she died? And in exactly one month would be her 18th birthday? I've been very conscious of that... So it's bittersweet, sad that she's gone, that I'll never see her on this earth again, and yet a rejoicing because the year of painful "firsts" is over. And I'm so thankful that God helps me to move past my tears without forgetting her laughter.
