See You In Heaven

  I was asked to write an article about losing Andrea for a book that's coming out filled with real-life experiences by real youth. And while I didn't mind doing so, it's sure brought many memories back. I love memories of Andrea but they do make me cry... Sitting in the sun with her outside of the University building the day some of us youth went to chapel service, listening to her talk about her travels, her shining blue eyes, the way we told each other everything... Anyway I thought I'd share that article here. It's been so long since anything has been posted.

       When I was about 8 years old, a new family moved to our congregation. I knew that the girl, who was a year younger than me, had been sick and even been in the hospital. What I didn't know was that she would be one of my closest friends for the next almost-ten years. What I didn’t know was that she would eventually die- as a result of the heart problems she'd faced all her life- just a few weeks short of her 17^th birthday. 

     While her death wasn't a surprise, (and in some ways was a relief that her suffering was over) it still left a terrible hole in my life. My initial reaction was numbness, which lasted until her memorial service, and I actually saw with my own eyes that she had died. I remember very little of that time but I do remember shortly after her funeral asking Jesus to be my new Best Friend. He was, too. I told Him everything and He gave me strength to move on.  I spent a few days with her mother. We needed each other, and though being together was painful, we've developed a friendship through that time. I also connected with a lady who'd also lost a loved one, in her case a young daughter. We emailed and texted back and forth, keeping each other going on bad days, reminding each other we'd see them in heaven. Without a hope of heaven, anticipating seeing her, talking with her again, I don't know how I would have survived that time. 

     Her death did change me; I'm not the same person I was before. I hold my friends closer, I tell them I love them. I cry when heaven songs are sung. I seize the moment, knowing we aren't promised long life. I know how important it is to have an assurance of salvation. I no longer fear death, to me it will be like going to see my friends… I think we'll pick up talking right where we left off the last time we saw each other and we'll have so much to say!

     One of my most painful moments was realizing that the jokes we'd had, the stories we'd shared, were now only half a joke or part of a story. No longer could I say half a sentence and she'd know what I wasn't saying. No longer was there someone who knew so much about me and about whom I knew so much. With time I've made other friends just as close, but they didn't know me in pigtails, through school, the first years of youth. I lost part of my history when I lost her. 

     My encouragements to anyone who faces death are these: talk about them, it's healing. Find others who've been there or are there. Tell God how you feel, even if it's in anger. He'd rather have us angry than bitter and silent. Don't stay angry at Him though... Realize that it takes time to move on and you will never "get over it”. Let yourself cry when you're lonely, when you see a beautiful sunset, or hear a song about heaven. You will survive. You will be okay. Don't feel guilty when you can be happy again or go for an hour or a day without thinking of them. Let yourself smile, laugh, and make new friends. Look forward to your reunion in heaven, where you'll never say goodbye again.