See You In Heaven

  I was asked to write an article about losing Andrea for a book that's coming out filled with real-life experiences by real youth. And while I didn't mind doing so, it's sure brought many memories back. I love memories of Andrea but they do make me cry... Sitting in the sun with her outside of the University building the day some of us youth went to chapel service, listening to her talk about her travels, her shining blue eyes, the way we told each other everything... Anyway I thought I'd share that article here. It's been so long since anything has been posted.

       When I was about 8 years old, a new family moved to our congregation. I knew that the girl, who was a year younger than me, had been sick and even been in the hospital. What I didn't know was that she would be one of my closest friends for the next almost-ten years. What I didn’t know was that she would eventually die- as a result of the heart problems she'd faced all her life- just a few weeks short of her 17^th birthday. 

     While her death wasn't a surprise, (and in some ways was a relief that her suffering was over) it still left a terrible hole in my life. My initial reaction was numbness, which lasted until her memorial service, and I actually saw with my own eyes that she had died. I remember very little of that time but I do remember shortly after her funeral asking Jesus to be my new Best Friend. He was, too. I told Him everything and He gave me strength to move on.  I spent a few days with her mother. We needed each other, and though being together was painful, we've developed a friendship through that time. I also connected with a lady who'd also lost a loved one, in her case a young daughter. We emailed and texted back and forth, keeping each other going on bad days, reminding each other we'd see them in heaven. Without a hope of heaven, anticipating seeing her, talking with her again, I don't know how I would have survived that time. 

     Her death did change me; I'm not the same person I was before. I hold my friends closer, I tell them I love them. I cry when heaven songs are sung. I seize the moment, knowing we aren't promised long life. I know how important it is to have an assurance of salvation. I no longer fear death, to me it will be like going to see my friends… I think we'll pick up talking right where we left off the last time we saw each other and we'll have so much to say!

     One of my most painful moments was realizing that the jokes we'd had, the stories we'd shared, were now only half a joke or part of a story. No longer could I say half a sentence and she'd know what I wasn't saying. No longer was there someone who knew so much about me and about whom I knew so much. With time I've made other friends just as close, but they didn't know me in pigtails, through school, the first years of youth. I lost part of my history when I lost her. 

     My encouragements to anyone who faces death are these: talk about them, it's healing. Find others who've been there or are there. Tell God how you feel, even if it's in anger. He'd rather have us angry than bitter and silent. Don't stay angry at Him though... Realize that it takes time to move on and you will never "get over it”. Let yourself cry when you're lonely, when you see a beautiful sunset, or hear a song about heaven. You will survive. You will be okay. Don't feel guilty when you can be happy again or go for an hour or a day without thinking of them. Let yourself smile, laugh, and make new friends. Look forward to your reunion in heaven, where you'll never say goodbye again. 

Remembering Day

I'm having a great day, laughing and singing and the like when, bam, I remember... Two years ago, almost to the minute, Trish and I were visiting Andrea in the Edmonton Ronald McDonald House... We had an awesome time, laughing and talking and drinking free hot chocolate and just generally being normal girls:) Except that one of us was in a wheelchair with a very uncertain future... That was the evening she told me she was just going to think about getting better, she wasn't going to dream about the future and make long-term plans. I think that evening was the last time I really saw her laugh... And unless you knew Andrea's laugh, you don't know what a loss that was. I'll never forget that evening. Shortly after that she moved back into the hospital, that was the only time I saw her in the RMH.
I'm reminded again that grieving is a life-long process. You can find closure, you can move on, but there's always a hole in your heart. And I'm reminded again why we hold our friends close while they're alive.

Echoes

Have you heard them lately? There have been a lot of them in my life the last week: memories of Andrea... Echoes of conversations we had, jokes we shared, sometimes, when I'm really listening, I think I can hear her laugh echoing down from heaven.
How can it be nearly a year? What amazes me is that I'm still alive myself. Before she died, thinking of losing her was surreal. I wondered, "Would I survive that? Would I ever be happy again?" The answer is yes, in proportion to the pain, God gives grace. In proportion to the grief, He sends joy. And when the initial shock and denial wear off, the resting in the fact that she's in a better place is gone, when the fact that I'll never see her here again hits home, that's when joy comes back too. You see, losing someone is like a really strong anaesthetic. You don't feel any pain, it's true, and it's absolutely necessary to get you through the first while. But it's not until that begins to wear off that you feel like truly laughing, smiling, singing again.
Now, though, as it's almost a year there are so many memories flooding my mind. "a year ago" Do you realise that it's only 18 days until it'll be a year since she died? And in exactly one month would be her 18th birthday? I've been very conscious of that... So it's bittersweet, sad that she's gone, that I'll never see her on this earth again, and yet a rejoicing because the year of painful "firsts" is over. And I'm so thankful that God helps me to move past my tears without forgetting her laughter.

Memorial service, missing Andrea, and moving on

It's been a long time since I posted anything but no, I have not forgotten Andrea or all you friends who supported me and all the rest of us who lost her. There are days when I wonder how I'll go my whole life without ever talking to her again, there's so much to talk about. However, here in my new place Ive made a new friend who hasn't replaced Andrea in the least but has filled that 'best friend' spot every girl has in her heart. Two weeks ago there was a 'hearts' memorial service at the Maz and she made the long, 10 hour round trip with me to Edmonton and back for that. It was healing and beautiful, I cried like I haven't cried in months... I went away from that service a little more healed, a little less sad, and maybe almost ready to move on...
Andrea, I'll never forget you. Thanks for being my 'forever friend'. I can hardly wait to see you again. "and we'll be friends forever, Jesus and you and me, He ties our hearts together and friends we'll always be..."
Love your friend,
Natalie

Christmas in heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.



*This poem was written by a 13 year old girl named Lysandra Kay Bencke
Lysandra had a seizure and was in a coma for five days before she died
on the anniversary of our Lord's birthday, Christmas Day 1997

Christmas...

Merry Christmas to all of you who still visit this blog. And I know you do. It means a lot to me! Christmas is one of the hardest times of year for those that are mourning... Everyone else is happy, getting together with family and friends, celebrating, eating, and you just want to sleep till January 1st. This post is just a little reminder to pray for Maynard and Faye and others you know who are sad this year... It's especially tough for Maynards because last Christmas was scary and it's always in the back of your minds, "This time last year..."
Thanks for all the support, prayers, comments, in the last year.
Natalie

A year ago...

We were waiting in suspense and Andrea was in surgery. Every phone call made me jump and every minute that went by made me more tense. It's hard to believe it's a year already... I would give so much to sit and talk with her for an afternoon- theres so much to say.
Miss you, Andrea.

Lonesome Moments

Lonesome moments hit at the strangest times...
lying in bed at night
Sunday mornings at church
mid-math class
singing with new friends
talking to old friends
making cookies
at the end of a long day
the beginning of a new day
reading in my diary (a year ago I went to see her)
seeing one of my students do something she would have loved
They hit and leave you reeling, the empty Andrea-shaped spot in your heart throbs, your eyes water, you frantically wipe away the tears and pretend to smile. "I'll cry later," you say. Then one day "later" comes and you can't push the tears off any more. The tears flow, healing the Andrea-spot a little and you can go on.
Until next time.

New Memory

There's a new memory on the page. Thanks!

9th Heart Birtday

Maynard and Faye were over for supper and Faye quietly said that today was Andrea's 9th heart birthday- her last heart transplant was 9 years ago... It was a hard day for them because they always celebrated this day, going out for lunch or something, and for years she collected little china dolls, one a year to mark the day.

Pray for them earnestly. All these painful "firsts" are wearing them out.

More Memories Received

Thanks to all of you who have sent in more memories. Fay asks me often if I've got more and I love it when I can tell her that, yes, more have come in! Because the page is getting so long, I'm starting to put any new memories at the top so they're easier for you to see. (I'm out of people to beg for more, if you know of anyone, tell them to email them to memories.of.andrea@gmail.com. If they aren't typists or don't have email, email me and ask for my fax number or address, I don't want to publicly post them but I will share them via email.)

Oh, and I got that thing we were raising money for but Maynards are off on a trip so I haven't got it to them yet. It's even more beautiful in real life! The extra money I donated to the Ronald McDonald House Edmonton as that was Maynards' wish for any memorial donations.

Smile Train

Through losing Andrea, I've gotten to know another woman who lost a daughter about the same time Andrea died. We've emailed and texted back and forth and I got an email from her today with this message that I want to share.-

Hi... when we lost our little angel, we also lost a beautiful smile. A smile we wish we could see again. A smile we can only see in our minds. We knew we wanted to set up a memorial for our little girl.

One day over the funeral, we remembered a place that fixes children's smiles. Fixes cleft palates. The feeling was strong that we set up a memorial in honor of Lauren. In memory of beautiful smiles. So that other little children can smile too.

Thus the creation of this online fund with smile train.

You don't have to donate. It is entirely up to you. We have a goal for 13 smiles for 13 months. If you know of anyone who would like to donate, please pass this email on. The address is:

http://support.smiletrain.org/goto/laurenyvette

If for some reason you can't get on here, plese let us know.

Thank you in advance.

Jeffrey and Delilah Schultz

How Do You Ever Say Goodbye

(This feels a bit strange for me to do this but) last December, the 15th to be exact, when Andrea didn't die after all, I wrote this poem and I thought I could share it... Just a few notes and explanations before I begin, there is a better version of this poem, a more edited one, only it's tucked away and not to be found. This one is nearly straight out of the notebook it was written into. Little Andrea was a fun name I had for her, I had her in my contact list as Lil Andrea and when she turned sixteen, she was determined to change it. So she changed it to Andrea Froese and I took it away from her and entered it as "Andrea Little Froese". It's still like that. That last little Froese is kinda a pun-ish joke, word play if you will, little phrase/little Froese. Just jokes we had. Here goes.

How do you say goodbye to a friend?
I told her I'd love her to the end.
I know she'll be in a better place
But, oh! I will miss her dear little face!!
She's always been little Andrea to me
Or "that last little Froese" that I loved dearly
We've had hours of talking and hashing things
We talked about life, joys and sorrows it brings.
We were gonna grow old and always be close
And of all my friends, I told her the most
Of my dreams and wishes, we'd laugh and we'd cry
How do I ever say goodbye?

Dear Father in heaven, when you meet my friend
There's a little message I want to send
Tell her I love her, always will
When we're both in heaven, I'll love her still
I can't wait to see her, healthy and strong.
We'll be friends forever, eternity long.

I all at once remembered this poem the other day and it comforted me and it seemed like the right thing to do to share it. Keep praying for us all. We miss her so much.

More Trials For Maynards

To all our dear friends and family

This posting is to inform all of you who may not have heard the news of the accident in which Faye's parents were involved in on the 8th of June. Early this morning the tenth day since the accident, Faye's mom passed on to her reward, having sustained very serious injuries in the crash.  Faye's dad and the other vehicle driver involved, both suffered only minor injuries.  We traveled to Saskatoon on Thursday, arriving there mid afternoon. Faye was able to spend several hours with her mom, and although in a lot of pain she was fairly clear, recognizing Faye but not able to communicate very well.  That evening she started failing more and Friday her vital signs began changing, her lungs began filling with fluid and they had to increase her pain medications.  We left Saskatoon yesterday about 5:30 PM, arriving home at 11:20 or so.  At 5:15 AM  the phone rang and we were informed her mother had just passed away.  She had a birthday May 31, reaching 79 years.  Most of the family got together in Regina on May 29 to celebrate.  We plan to return there tomorrow morning, thinking the funeral might be on Tuesday.  Please remember us in your prayers.

Thanks, Maynard

 

Donations Received

Thanks to all you for your donations for the wall sticker for Maynard's. I've already ordered it. However, I received roughly twenty dollars more than I needed for it, any suggestions what to do with the left-over? If I don't get any suggestions, I will just give it to Maynard's to spend as they wish in memory of Andrea.

Once again, thanks so much!

Natalie

PS I can't resist adding a little note begging for more memories. I am trying to make a book of memories to give to Maynard and Faye but I don't have enough yet. Absolutely any memory is acceptable. Please send them to memories.of.andrea@gmail.com and if you are not comfortable with them being posted on the page, please specify.

I Had This Idea

and I have no idea if it's cool or lame so I'm coming to you. If your name is Maynard or Faye Froese read no farther because if it's a cool idea, it's something for you...

Jen makes this awesome sign that made me cry the first time I read it. http://www.etsy.com/listing/72373855/because-someone-we-love-is-in-heaven?ref=ss_listing

I was wondering if you thought it would be a good idea to buy it for Maynards from "us". By "us" I mean all their followers and friends on this blog. I'm going to set up an anonymous poll to at the bottom of this page (please vote) and if most people like the idea, I will set up an anonymous Donations button through Paypal so that your money is safe and once I have enough I will remove the button and buy Maynards the sign from all of us at "We Love Andrea". Please leave your opinion on the poll at the very bottom of the blog.

More Memories Needed

I hate to be a nag but here goes... We really need more memories of Andrea. I want to put together a book of memories for Maynards and I don't yet have enough. I do understand that it takes time, and, as most people say, they don't have any specific memories of her and she hasn't even been gone a month. That is totally okay. From talking with Maynard and Faye lately I have discovered that the little memories of her mean as much or more than the big ones, things like "This was something she liked" or "Once she said this" or "We had a joke about that". It's those little things that make up what we know of a person and I promise that nothing you send will be too trivial or silly! And if you want, I won't even post it on the blog, just send it to Maynards without lots of other people seeing it. For those of you who have forgotten, the address is memories.of.andrea@gmail.com and if you need something to jog your memory, read other people's memories. (Done nagging now!) Thanks and have a great Sunday!

One of those days...

Some days I can go the whole day just thankful that Andrea is at peace and that she has no more pain. Other days, I just want to see her again. This is one of those days. What I miss most about her is talking to her, we spent so much time talking! Now, whenever I have something confusing or exciting or just interesting, I want so badly to be able to tell her, to hear her laugh and say "Cool" like she always did, to hear her sympathize or make me laugh at myself which she did a lot too! It so hard to believe we will never see her on this earth again... Not sure why I'm posting this here, maybe because misery loves company and I know for a fact I'm not the only one who feels like this, who misses her and can still hear her laughter echoing in my head (and is so scared that laughter will fade away). For all you out there who are feeling the same way, I don't have anything profound to say but we gotta stick together and support each other!

Miss Me–But Let Me Go!

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little–but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me–but let me go.

For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me–But Let me Go!

Edgar A. Guest

In memory of Andrea whom we all miss but who we also must let go, even if it's the hardest thing we will ever do...

Today Would Have Been Her Birthday...

Today would have been Andrea's 17th birthday (it's also a week since her funeral). She wanted so badly to be home by her birthday. But I guess she is... This is just a prayer request for all the family, friends, etc for whom today will be a tough day...