Echoes

Have you heard them lately? There have been a lot of them in my life the last week: memories of Andrea... Echoes of conversations we had, jokes we shared, sometimes, when I'm really listening, I think I can hear her laugh echoing down from heaven.
How can it be nearly a year? What amazes me is that I'm still alive myself. Before she died, thinking of losing her was surreal. I wondered, "Would I survive that? Would I ever be happy again?" The answer is yes, in proportion to the pain, God gives grace. In proportion to the grief, He sends joy. And when the initial shock and denial wear off, the resting in the fact that she's in a better place is gone, when the fact that I'll never see her here again hits home, that's when joy comes back too. You see, losing someone is like a really strong anaesthetic. You don't feel any pain, it's true, and it's absolutely necessary to get you through the first while. But it's not until that begins to wear off that you feel like truly laughing, smiling, singing again.
Now, though, as it's almost a year there are so many memories flooding my mind. "a year ago" Do you realise that it's only 18 days until it'll be a year since she died? And in exactly one month would be her 18th birthday? I've been very conscious of that... So it's bittersweet, sad that she's gone, that I'll never see her on this earth again, and yet a rejoicing because the year of painful "firsts" is over. And I'm so thankful that God helps me to move past my tears without forgetting her laughter.

Memorial service, missing Andrea, and moving on

It's been a long time since I posted anything but no, I have not forgotten Andrea or all you friends who supported me and all the rest of us who lost her. There are days when I wonder how I'll go my whole life without ever talking to her again, there's so much to talk about. However, here in my new place Ive made a new friend who hasn't replaced Andrea in the least but has filled that 'best friend' spot every girl has in her heart. Two weeks ago there was a 'hearts' memorial service at the Maz and she made the long, 10 hour round trip with me to Edmonton and back for that. It was healing and beautiful, I cried like I haven't cried in months... I went away from that service a little more healed, a little less sad, and maybe almost ready to move on...
Andrea, I'll never forget you. Thanks for being my 'forever friend'. I can hardly wait to see you again. "and we'll be friends forever, Jesus and you and me, He ties our hearts together and friends we'll always be..."
Love your friend,
Natalie

Christmas in heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars,
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with
Jesus Christ this year.



*This poem was written by a 13 year old girl named Lysandra Kay Bencke
Lysandra had a seizure and was in a coma for five days before she died
on the anniversary of our Lord's birthday, Christmas Day 1997

Christmas...

Merry Christmas to all of you who still visit this blog. And I know you do. It means a lot to me! Christmas is one of the hardest times of year for those that are mourning... Everyone else is happy, getting together with family and friends, celebrating, eating, and you just want to sleep till January 1st. This post is just a little reminder to pray for Maynard and Faye and others you know who are sad this year... It's especially tough for Maynards because last Christmas was scary and it's always in the back of your minds, "This time last year..."
Thanks for all the support, prayers, comments, in the last year.
Natalie

A year ago...

We were waiting in suspense and Andrea was in surgery. Every phone call made me jump and every minute that went by made me more tense. It's hard to believe it's a year already... I would give so much to sit and talk with her for an afternoon- theres so much to say.
Miss you, Andrea.